Everyone's life goes on, whether you want it to or not

I don't think I'm meant to be a cheerleader...I say this because for the past two years, I have auditioned to be an NFL Cheerleader for the Seattle Seahawks & haven't made it yet. Forget that I've been dancing for the past 20 years, or that I've been instructing dance for the past 13 years. I'm just not the cookie-cutter-type of girl that the Sea Gals coach wants. She wants the type of girl that she can mold into what she wants, & someone who won't stand out next to the other girls during performances.

Last year, I had little to no prep work & made it all the way to the Final round. This year, I started preparing for auditions in late January & didn't even make it to Finals. They will never tell you WHY you don't make it, they always say to NOT ask them & just re-audition next year. When I performed my semi-finals routine, I didn't mess up, I smiled, had a lot of energy throughout the dance, high kicks, & still wasn't chosen.

I'm not gonna lie, when my number wasn't called, I thought there had been a mistake & maybe they were saving my number for last or had misplaced it. When this didn't seem to be the case, I didn't clap. I didn't smile. I just knew I needed to get out of there. The tears had started by the time I stood up whether I wanted them to or not. I grabbed all of my belongings, & started out for the parking lot. Before I could get to the door, one of my friends who also didn't make stepped in to give me a hug & yes- I started to "ugly cry" on her shoulder (literally). She told me it was going to be okay, & though I knew what she was saying was true, I was too confused, & angry to comprehend anything other than what I was feeling. I had spent SO MUCH TIME & MONEY in preparation this year to look & feel my best once auditions rolled around.

I tried calling Chase a few times on my way home, but he was at Greenlake with some friends & his phone hadn't rung out-loud so he didn't know I had called. So instead, I called one of my best friends on my way home, crying hysterically, fake eyelashes falling off from all my tears. Chase called me back as soon as I got home. He sounded really surprised to hear the news that I hadn't advanced to the Final Round. He then asked if I wanted to meet him at the lake or wanted him to come home to be with me. I honestly just wanted to stay at home & cry for the rest of the day. Then, Chase said if I came to the lake, he would buy me some Ben Jerry's ice cream...decision made. I hadn't had Ben & Jerry's in who knows how long. Lake & ice cream it was!!! I cleaned my face off, changed my clothes, put Apollo in the car, & headed to the lake. Once we arrived, Chase gave me a huge hug & we ended up having a great day at the lake with Apollo & his friends. I ended up getting the COOKIE-COOKIE-SUNDAE at Ben & Jerry's...it was GLORIOUS!!! Yes...like I said on Facebook, I ate the WHOLE THING.

 That night, I started thinking more about not making it because I was getting tons of texts & facebook messages from people wondering about how auditions turned out. I tried to answer them as best I could without getting too depressed but was feeling pretty awful by the time I woke up the next morning. (Life goes on whether everything goes your way or not!) I then get on Facebook & see that I have a message from a fellow dancer whose performances, & team I admire greatly. She basically re-confirmed what everyone had been telling me & told me not to let not being chosen get to me. I was really happy she thought enough of me write me a message.

Plan for now? Eat the foods I've been avoiding, watch & get drunk during the Sea Gal Finals with good friends, enjoy my summer, & get back on the audition-horse this fall & audition for the Stealth Bombshells Dance (not cheer) Team. They're all fabulous performers who can actually DANCE!

Keep an eye out for updates. Down, but never out. I am determined to be a part of a dance team again!!